Sacred Struggle

Trigger warning – the following contains reference to violence in childhood and describes a binge eating episode.  Please take care of yourself. ________________ During the weekend I struggled with some depression that had me flat on my back in bed for many hours.  I was upset and disappointed, because it caught me off guard as…

Quick Thoughts

What I’m Doing with my Blog: I’ve added a “Resources” page which is accessible at the top right of the blog. It contains a few items right now, and I will be updating it with resources that I’ve returned to over and over again. Information resources will be listed, as well as resources for relief,…

Walls

In my early adulthood, I was an utterly shattered and lost soul because of the abuse I experienced as a child and growing up in my family home. I had no sense of being worthy and powerful on the inside or of being able to protect myself and my boundaries. I didn’t know I had…

Repost: When You Reach for Help, Are You Loving or Abandoning Yourself?

  I wanted to share this fabulous article by Dr. Margaret Paul (www.innerbonding.com).  Much of her work seems to be focused on finding self-love, rather than trying to “get” someone else to love you.  In this article she talks about what is happening when we ask someone for help.  It is normal, healthy and necessary…

I Needed Words

“I needed words because unhappy families are conspiracies of silence.  The one who breaks the silence is never forgiven. He or she has to learn to forgive him or herself.” Jeanette Winterson, Why Be Happy When You Can Be Normal

Who Do You Protect?

At 50 years old I am struggling with abuse by my parents starting from young childhood and continuing into adulthood. I “kick myself” for not having dealt with this much earlier in my life — in many ways, I’ve suffered so much and I’ve lost so much time.  I kick myself in quotation marks only…

Transplanting

Have you ever had one of those plants that looks like it’s alive, but it’s not really?  It doesn’t necessarily have any brown leaves; some of them could be yellowish when they should be bright green.  But it’s not growing, that plant.  You water it.  But you sort of want to throw it out because…

Doubt

The abuse I endured as a child has impacted me in any number of ways. “Doubt” sums up all of them. In his book, The Great Work of Your Life, Stephen Cope calls doubt the greatest inhibiting factor to a great life. I have to say, this applies to me. It took me eleven years…

Speeding

I am speeding this morning.  And it’s not good. I joined a running group.  I’m supposed to do a run on my own today.  I woke up at 10:30 this morning which has put me behind for my day. I had a fitful sleep last night.  I was restless and awake on and off; my…

Flourish

“flourish: grow or develop in a healthy or vigorous way, especially as the result of a particularly favourable environment.”  

Truth

“I tore myself away from the safe comfort of certainties through my love for truth – and truth rewarded me.”    Simone de Beauvoir

Into the Wild

As I take inventory of the way I feel this morning, what I feel is: fed up.  That sums it up, loud and clear.  Fed up. I’m tired of being silent, hands tied, gag in my mouth.  I’m tired of hiding, being a speck, being invisible. I want to move forward.  I want to live…