Love is Grounding

Photo: A view from where I’m house sitting in a city.  I love the ivy growing on the wall.  The house has a lovely feel to it — it’s full of books!  Photo credit:  Rebel Recovery I’ve been feeling quite dissociated the past couple of days.  Out of my head in ways, like all of…

Healing, One Trigger at a Time

Photo credit: author – the last of the ice on the pond, hopefully A few years ago, I was diagnosed with a dissociative disorder — Dissociative Disorder NOS (not otherwise specified) (DDNOS).  Dissociative disorders exist along a continuum, with Dissociative Identity Disorder (formerly known as multiple personality disorder) at the most extreme end and DDNOS…

Dissociative Disorders: Maligned, Misunderstood and Misdiagnosed

Dissociative Disorders are, in general, not well understood by mental health professionals.  In fact, many mental health professionals either do not recognize dissociation when it’s occurring in people, and/or they dismiss it as unimportant or as a form of drama or malingering in people.  I know this because I worked as a mental health therapist…

Being, Belonging, Doing, Becoming: To Thine Own Self Be True

I am trying to get back on track. For much of the past week, I’ve been so dissociated that I’ve felt like I’ve been “viewing my life from fifty feet high up in the air,” as Olga Trujillo describes it. It’s upsetting.  It’s frightening.  I don’t want to be like that.  I can’t be like…

Sacred Struggle

Trigger warning – the following contains reference to violence in childhood and describes a binge eating episode.  Please take care of yourself. ________________ During the weekend I struggled with some depression that had me flat on my back in bed for many hours.  I was upset and disappointed, because it caught me off guard as…

What a Dissociative Disorder Looks Like

A couple of years ago, life piled up, and mental health concerns disabled me.  One of the hardest — and most helpful — things for me to come to grips with has been a diagnosis of “Dissociative Disorder Not Otherwise Specified” or “DDNOS.” The diagnosis was hard for me to accept because I didn’t want…

Walls

In my early adulthood, I was an utterly shattered and lost soul because of the abuse I experienced as a child and growing up in my family home. I had no sense of being worthy and powerful on the inside or of being able to protect myself and my boundaries. I didn’t know I had…

Repost: When You Reach for Help, Are You Loving or Abandoning Yourself?

  I wanted to share this fabulous article by Dr. Margaret Paul (www.innerbonding.com).  Much of her work seems to be focused on finding self-love, rather than trying to “get” someone else to love you.  In this article she talks about what is happening when we ask someone for help.  It is normal, healthy and necessary…

Transplanting

Have you ever had one of those plants that looks like it’s alive, but it’s not really?  It doesn’t necessarily have any brown leaves; some of them could be yellowish when they should be bright green.  But it’s not growing, that plant.  You water it.  But you sort of want to throw it out because…

Speeding

I am speeding this morning.  And it’s not good. I joined a running group.  I’m supposed to do a run on my own today.  I woke up at 10:30 this morning which has put me behind for my day. I had a fitful sleep last night.  I was restless and awake on and off; my…

Into the Wild

As I take inventory of the way I feel this morning, what I feel is: fed up.  That sums it up, loud and clear.  Fed up. I’m tired of being silent, hands tied, gag in my mouth.  I’m tired of hiding, being a speck, being invisible. I want to move forward.  I want to live…

Recovery

Recovery: 1. a return to a normal state of health, mind or strength. 2. the action or process of regaining possession or control of something stolen or lost.